Home

We all seek a thing called home, where we feel safe, accepted, and loved. To some, it is family around you. Others it is the town you know the best or associating with close friends. Many of us don’t feel at home, and instead long for it or even chase after it. We think that if we find the right career, the right place to live, or even enough money and health, we will be “home”.

I know people who live in Florida still ache for the change of seasons and the environment that they left in other parts of the country. They can’t feel at home in the heat and humidity.

Lord knows I have been searching for home for most of my life. I have never felt quite home, and have initiated costly mistakes in my vain quest for it.

I am learning though, that home is not always a place. For instance, I have no close family. I have friends, but not as close geographically as I would like. At the moment, I am between careers. My last great attempt to find home failed miserably. I’m not even particularly at home geographically.

This has caused me to reevaluate my definition of home.

Maybe it is not a place. Or even dependent on other people. Maybe before we find an external home we need to be at home inside our own skins. We need to accept ourselves, respect ourselves, and love ourselves. Once we feel we are home within our skin, maybe we have a better chance of finding a place or situation in this world we can also call home.

Paul Simon described my feeling the best in the song Homeward Bound:

I’m sittin’ in the railway station
Got a ticket to my destination
On a tour of one-night stands
My suitcase and guitar in hand
And every stop is neatly planned
For a poet and a one-man band

Homeward bound
I wish I was
Homeward bound
Home where my thought’s escapin’
Home where my music’s playin’
Home where my love lies waitin’
Silently for me

Every day’s an endless stream
Of cigarettes and magazines
And each town looks the same to me
The movies and the factories
And every stranger’s face I see
Reminds me that I long to be

Homeward bound
I wish I was
Homeward bound
Home where my thought’s escapin’
Home where my music’s playin’
Home where my love lies waitin’
Silently for me

Tonight I’ll sing my songs again
I’ll play the game and pretend
But all my words come back to me
In shades of mediocrity
Like emptiness in harmony
I need someone to comfort me

Homeward bound
I wish I was
Homeward bound
Home where my thought’s escapin’
Home where my music’s playin’
Home where my love lies waitin’
Silently for me
Silently for me

Whoever you are, I hope you are home.