Happiness and politeness get all the attention, but let me tell you, everything has at least some benefits. Being perpetually depressed and angry, even! I give you six benefits right now, just off the top of my head.
- If you suffer from Anticipatory Anxiety, a real condition where you are always worried about what bad thing could be heading your way, you are in luck! You don’t have to worry about becoming depressed or angry, as you already are! Whamo! Zoom! DaDa!
- People avoid you. Yes, another wonderful benefit is that people, be they family, friends or random strangers will get one look at your angry depressed face and avoid you like you had the Chinese Bat Flu.
- Calling out sick from work is easy! When I was working a full-time job, before my fabulous writing career took off, whenever I called into work sick I could hear my boss say “Thank You Jesus!”. In the background I heard my staff and colleagues scream, Yea! That dumbass jackalope won’t be here today!” So, you can call in sick even if you no longer have sick days left.
- Everyone knows that the only cure for being depressed and angry is FOOD! And plenty of it! Ice cream especially, pizza with extra sauce, the works! Have at it fatso!
- Energy! While depression might make you tired at times, anger will light your fire! You will be full of energy every time you run into a dumbass. And since you are depressed and angry, literally everyone you meet with automatically be a dumbass!
- Sarcasm Rules! Being a true Sarcasm Artist, I can’t practice my art all of the time. Unless of course, I am depressed and angry! Then I can elevate my sarcasm to Olympic Gold standards! Very fulfilling!
- If you are like me, trying to be happy and polite is a chore. Like mowing the lawn with a manual push mower in the rain. I have to really try to be happy. But falling into an angry depression is easy as sliding off a gigantic ice cube! Piece of cake! Cake? I gotta go, I smell cherry pie.
So, there you have it. If you happen to find yourself being depressed and angry often, at least you now know there are benefits.