You’re Moving Where???

(C) 2020 Dart Humeston

It seems to be an automatic response. Tell someone “We are moving….” and immediately they ask “Where are you moving to?”

People in South Florida who are famous for not giving a crap about you so long as you are not blocking their lane of traffic suddenly want to know where you are moving. Co-workers, friends, store clerks, the Salvation Army guy when I drop off furniture we can’t take with us, even the guy robbing us will pause for a second and wave his 9mm about asking where we are moving to.

At first it was fun saying “Idaho” and watching their faces crunch up as they tried to remember if Idaho is a Caribbean island nation or some province of Canada. And then, without fail, I swear, without fail every time they would say, “Iowa? With all those wheat fields?”

Nooooo I would say, I Da Ho, which risked the chance of them attempting really poor humor, such as “If you the ho you should be moving to Vegas!” And then they will laugh so hard they would drop their gun and forget they were in the middle of an armed robbery.

So I would say Idaho real quick and add, “the state with mountains and rivers and valleys.” That never cleared up the confusion, as they would twist their face in a position akin to someone chewing on sour worms. So, I would add that it is between Denver and Seattle. Nothing clicked. I would start with Seattle, as everyone in America sort of knows about where Seattle is located. Some even know it is a US city. I would then say there is a state below them called Oregon, and to the east of that is the state of Idaho, and then continuing east you have Wyoming and Montana. Half of the people would just shake their heads and say “Nah, you are wrong.” But the other half would eventually say, “Potatoes!”

That would be quickly followed by the announcement that “It’s cold there!” Like this is a secret fact that has somehow escaped our knowledge.
I would respond with “That’s OK, I hate heat and humidly.”

“Seriously, why are you moving there?” Every single person would ask, as if we had brain damage for even thinking of it. “Well, Boise is the capital and a modern small city with a coffee shop on every corner, colleges and universities, high tech employers such as HP and Micron, with blue skies and winters not as bad as Buffalo.”

Apparently the mere concept that there was an actual city is this no man’s land with people was too much for them to accept. They can accept a lot of weird ideas, but cities out here? Nah. No way. They would walk away chuckling under their breaths, stop and turn and yell, “Don’t forget the potatoes!” and then wander away shaking their heads.