Drive Through Restaurants in Boise

(C) 2020 Dart Humeston

I previously wrote about the drive-through experience in South Florida. Today, it is Boise’s turn!

The drive through experience is much different than Florida. For starters, I’ve never found a drive through speaker/microphone that did not work clearly! In fact, at many drive through coffee shops, such as Human Bean and Dutch Brother’s, if there are more than three cars waiting a real honest to goodness live human being will walk out and grab your order at your car window! They carry small electronic tablets that transmits your order the 20 feet into the coffee shop and they can usually take your credit or debit card payment right there. The staff are extremely friendly, especially at Dutch Brothers drive throughs. The young people who work there are sort of like joyful puppies only they rarely drool on you or try to smell your butt.

While the drive through experience seems wonderful, there are some annoying issues. At fast food places there is nothing to prevent you from being stuck behind an SUV filled with a hundred screaming kids and three barking dogs, where the driver orders enough food for the entire National Guard.

Or worse, that one person who waits in the drive through lane and when reaching the window appears to have suffered a brain stroke that prevents them from realizing where they are. They are shocked that they are at a drive through window, and have no clue about ordering. It’s likely they are not even hungry! Instead of saying “never mind” and driving off to the ER, they sit there trying to harness the emotional energy required to actually place an order. Now this can and does happen in every city in America. The difference between Florida and Boise is that no one gets out of their car and shoots the nitwit in their head. In Boise, you just have to make sure you never go to a fast food drive-in without a full tank of gas.

Another issue is the friendliness of the staff. As mentioned above, the Dutch Brothers coffee joints are the worst. The young people working there blast their music loud enough to block out the sound of the A-10 Thunderbolts soaring overhead. Often at least two of them are dancing. It appears the managers inject happy crack into each worker when they get on duty. They don’t just want your order, they want to know specifically, what you are doing today. Where you are coming from, what your middle name is and often, laughing, they will acquire your mother’s maiden name. They will also share with you whatever is going on with their lives. In detail! While the wait for your order takes only a moment, the conversation at the window could take you into the middle of the next day. I have started carrying small cans of mace and once I have my coffee I give them a huge smile followed up by a quick spray. It allows me to escape.

The other difference is everyone speaks fluent, clear English in Boise, so you don’t get the enchanting experience of being in a foreign country learning how to curse in Yupik.

While driving through a fast food lane in Florida is exciting and often filled with strange noises and gunfire, in Boise it is pretty boring. Unless a happy crack injected coffee barista wants to sniff your butt.